Communication skills for Married Couples…February 19, 2019
“The difference between a happy and an unhappy marriage lies in communication skills “
The relationship between the husband and wife is such that after a while, they start taking each other for granted by default.The husband starts thinking that the entire fault lies with his wife and the wife starts believing that her husband is in the wrong. Now, to answer the question that why all communication skills tend to fail between couples in marriage, I would like to tell you a short story to further elaborate on the reason.
Once, there was a married couple and they were very much like any other average couple going through their lives.They had their share of misunderstandings,small fights and during these times,the husband came to conclude that his wife had become short of hearing. Now this development worried the husband considerably and he went to his doctor friend to find a suitable cure to the problem.The husband mentioned to the doctor friend that his wife was facing issues / difficulty in hearing and wanted to know more about the hearing aids[hearing enabling instruments] that were available nowadays.The doctor suggested that, since the instruments are frequency based & distance dependent while wearing,hence the friend would have to diagnose the exact problem of the man’s wife. The husband curiously asked as to what was the exact process to diagnose the hearing difficulty level and distance factor to which the doctor friend advised the husband to speak to his wife by changing his positions, starting from farther away and repeating the statement by reducing the distance from his wife. Once,that you are able to analyze the exact distance from which your wife is unable to hear your voice,we will be able to finalize on the hearing aid accordingly.
Understanding this,the husband reached home and started to check his wife’s [who was then cooking in the kitchen] hearing strength by standing in the garden of their house and asking her that what was she cooking today for dinner.Since,he could not get back an answer at 25 feet[from garden],he realized that he should ask her again the same question from a nearer distance[from hall].But again on not finding a response from 15 feet,he sadly goes nearer around their bedroom at 7 feet and repeats his question that what was there for dinner.Finally,he walks into the kitchen and standing near his wife asks the same question a fourth time that what was she cooking for dinner. To this his wife retorts back angrily that “Have you gone deaf ? I have already replied to you 4 times that i was preparing Khichdi tonight.” Thus,the husband comes to realize that it was he himself who was short of hearing & not his wife and this is the exact predicament that the married couples face in every day life.
Now to summarize the concern,it would not be wrong of me to mention here that the husband thinks his wife to be deaf;the wife in turn thinks of her husband as deaf and the solution is left to testing for finding who is at fault.Communication skills for couples is definitely one of the important chapters of life that each partner needs to memorize once they sign the papers and say ‘I do’ to each other.
The sad truth is that we as a species, over the time have lost the art of LISTENING which is the base on which any successful communication stands among married individuals.Our conscious minds are in a state of continuous turmoil.We, instead of listening to what is being said,are often restless with our own set of Q&A’s in our minds and fail to understand as we have not left any space for listening. I would like to emphasize here that listening properly to understand with a calm mind is the mandatory element for any successful relationship, especially marriage. We should train our minds to be able to stay calm & serene -creating a space for listening and effective communication.Thus, I would reiterate that Listening has been and remains for posterity–the rock solid foundation on which any communication and relationship can be built to last for a lifetime…